5w4d old

39 days old/days in NICU

Weight: 3 lbs 10 oz (-10 grams)*

*30 grams=1 ounce

Not too many changes today. Ella lost 10 grams and the nurse said the neonatologist was considering decreasing our breastfeeding but she didn't end up doing that, Thank God. I was prepared to fight for it though. Have I said that Ella is on caffeine? I can't remember. They give it to preemies to help with their breathing and prevent apnea. She is also now getting protein in her feedings, iron, sodium and potassium supplements daily because she's low in all of those. Her O2 is much better today though, on the high flow cannula. Ella's neonatologist increased her amount of food that she's getting in by 2 ml every feeding. That doesn't seem like very much and I personally think she could have increased it by something like 5 because often Ella will latch on, cause a letdown and just take in that while still getting a full feeding. Oh well though. Eventually she WILL gain weight. She won't stay 3 lbs forever. And she won't be in the NICU forever. Although today, it feels like it. Today I'm frustrated. I am tired of doing all of this and tired of having to choose between my children and tired of spending an insane amount of money on gas and tired of eating at a hospital cafeteria. I'm tired of not having time to cook or clean. I have to go to the grocery store today and try to make some double batches of food because we have gone through our store of meals that Shane made while I was pregnant as well as what other people brought. I have to choose between cooking for Olivia or spending time with her. GAH!!!!!!! I'm just really, really frustrated and tired. I want my girls under the same roof. I want Olivia to know her sister and I want to sleep with my 2 girls instead of 5 feet away from my struggling-to-breath newborn in a freaking plastic box.

Oh and PS. For the last week or so I've been meaning to get Olivia's thank you cards for her birthday presents. That hasn't happened. Just know that we appreciated the gifts and you will get them eventually. Even if you get it with our Christmas cards.

ETA: Jeez, I got so wrapped up in my own personal pity party that I forgot to share the very cool thing that happened yesterday! At her 8:00 PM feeding, I brought Ella to breast and she latched on and ate for about 15 or so minutes. Then she played for a bit, latching off and on. I switched sides because she was getting all kinds of cranky and she latched on and ate for about 5 minutes on the other side. We started weighing her before and after nursing to ensure she's getting enough instead of using the time protocol and she got 24 ml (remember, 30 ml=1 ounce). Preemie's are not as effective eaters as full term babies so while a full term baby would probably get a lot more, especially because of my flow and supply, in that amount of time, that is EXCELLENT for preemies!! Then at 11:00 PM, she latched and ate a bit but she was REALLY hungry and very impatient. She was screaming and writhing around because my milk wasn't fast enough for her hungry tummy (stupid mama had pumped less then an hour before nursing!! GAH!) so we did a tube feeding. She DID get 10 ml from me though, so that's not bad considering she was acting like my breasts were completely dry. Such a drama queen. <3